He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
