Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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