im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
