All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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