Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
