Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I believe in your delicious
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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