Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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