I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
