the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
