Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
