I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We are two peas in an std pod
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
