what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
