I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
