One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
