I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want nice things and good sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
