Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My pussy is not your playground.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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