i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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