I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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