Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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