An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
