my room smells like sperm. sweet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
