That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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