For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
