Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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