i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
