I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize