A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
