11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
