guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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