On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
