Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
