O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
