its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
