Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
