Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
