and you said cock pushups were impossible
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
