You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
