I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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