I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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