Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
