when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
