this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
