Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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