you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
