Redeem this text for a blowjob
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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