I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
