my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
