U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
