a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
