someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
