I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
