meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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