I'm so fucking centered right now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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