Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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