Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
