I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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