I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize