Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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