Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
