so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This can only be settled by a dance off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
