Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
