i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
