You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
