You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
