you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
