I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
