dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
