If i come over, it means nothing
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
