The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
