Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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