If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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