you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize