Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
