If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
