Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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