Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize