i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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