btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
